Embracing My Size 14
Maxing at 213 was the “Oh-Hell-No” point for me. Yeah, 2-1-3! Not that it was hard to get there, it almost happened over night. I gave birth to Tristan in 2011, weighing in at 220 lbs and him NOT weighing 70 lbs made that weight impossible to lose. I ate take-out, the kid’s leftovers and anything else I could find at midnight while trying to rock kids back to sleep. My eating habits were atrocious. Pound for pound, I dug myself in a hole.
I hated my body since it didn’t bounce back to my pre-baby weight. But really, it was my fault. I surrendered to motherhood and forgot about me. It wasn’t until recently that I finally held myself accountable. These stretch marks were simple reminders that I held two lives in my belly. They weren’t gross, they were trophy lines. In fact, on the day my youngest turned 4, I realized that the “baby fat” I was carrying was in fact pure laziness. The excuse had always been, “I just had a baby.” Yeah? Well that baby is now walking and talking and can tell you that wasn’t the case. So, I came to terms with the fact that I am no longer that size 8, but in fact a size 14.
Yeah, I admit it – I cringe a little saying it aloud. I am thick, big boned and voluptuous. I am also healthy, happy and aware. They say the first step is accepting it, then you can change it. I tried for a long time to buy the size Large shirt or size 10 jeans, they all stayed in my closet as my “after I lose weight” back-up wardrobe. I never wanted to shop because “I was going to start losing weight.” I found solace in sweatpants. That, my friends, is the worse thing you can do. Never get comfortable.
Now acknowledging the problem, I have altered my lifestyle and adapted some healthy choices.
Set a goal
Be mindful of my eating habits.
Buy clothes that are comfortable
Be happy in my own skin
Losing weight won’t restore my skin but it will help ease the nerves I often feel when my bulging belly is on display. I am always the first to admire a woman comfortable in her skin and I deserve to be that woman too. Hiding behind loose clothes, staging photographs by standing behind people and really finding an excuse are all shameful habits I’ve adapted over the years. I hid myself so I didn’t have to face myself.
Today I say it aloud to you all, I am plus size. I am curvy. I am me.
In the mirror I don’t see a perfect figure, I see a full figure. I see room for change, as I do in my career, my relationships and my life. I am a work in progress. I live my life making decisions for me. Craving to fit in or be who I was is foolish and I shunt my ability to grow and experience life by expecting to be who I once was.